


To Love And Let Go

by myownway



Category: All Time Low
Genre: Angst, Depression, Friendship, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-19 01:31:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3591303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myownway/pseuds/myownway
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>School had always been easy for Jack, but when his mother leaves and him and his father move he has to start over. A fresh start, but Jack can't let go of his thoughts, he's not the hyperactive boy he used to be, he's becoming withdrawn, the guitar he loves now hides under his bed; he can't bring himself to even look at it. Can a new group of friends be what he needs to pull himself back together? Or does falling for the boy with the beautiful brown eyes push him further over the edge?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first time I've written for this fandom! So please be nice and let me know what you all think.

School had always been easy for Jack; he had friends, he was decent in most classes, truthfully he had just got in with it. Like most fifteen year old boys he had no idea where he wanted to be in the future, the future that seemed to be hanging over his head. His father was set for him to follow him in the medical profession, Jack didn’t know what he wanted in his life, but he knew it had nothing to do with medicine, he wasn’t that smart and really, dealing with blood and human bits every day, nope, that wasn’t for him. A lot of his classes were now beginning to focus on what to do next, think about what senior classes they wanted to take, think about what colleges they wanted to go to, the future was the subject on everyone’s lips that no one was looking at the present, and when all you do is look to to the future, worry about things that aren’t happening yet, you miss important things in life. School had always been easy for Jack, that was until without realising it his parents had started fighting, his dad had started to drink, his Mom had become withdrawn. Jack had been told to look at where he wanted to be in 10 years, he had made plans in most classes, none of them identical, but written on none of them was moving across the country, no one could have predicted that his Mom would have left them, and Jack was certain that he never thought he would be moving to Baltimore with his father who if anything was running from his own shame. Jack’s father hated everyone knowing what his family had become, so they left. They would make new neighbours, new friends, a fresh start that’s what he kept telling Jack, but at fifteen Jack knew better, he didn’t want a fresh start, he didn’t want his father who spent most night staring down an empty bottle, all Jack wanted was his Mom back.


	2. Chapter 1

The alarm was shrill in his ears, startled him out of his thoughts, not his dreams. Jack hadn’t managed to sleep at all, his mind kept going over the events of the last month. Coming home to his Mom and Dad shouting, of course they hadn’t expected him, he said he would be out all night at a friends but had decided last minute to spend the night at home. The shouting had soon turned on him for changing his mind without telling him, and Jack had been left feeling so angry that he had almost forgotten that they had been arguing before he had changed his mind. The next few days he had noticed things he wouldn’t have spotted before, the way his father would put his Mom down, make comments, the way his Mom seemed to almost shrink away every time his dad would even look at her. His father would come home later from work, and his Mom would hide in her room. Of course he asked if she was okay, she lied saying she wasn’t feeling to well but everything would be okay soon. Jack realised now he was stupid to believe her. His father had started to drink, a glass of wine with dinner turned into three glasses of whiskey before bed and it hadn’t been long till it was more. Then one day, his Mom had just left. Jack had come home from school, he remembered feeling excited; he had received an A for his music assignment, his highest grade yet. But there was no one in. Panic had immediately filled him, he had this feeling in his gut that he just couldn’t explain, he knew something was wrong. He went upstairs and found his parent’s room trashed, draws opened where clothes had been pulled out, the closet open and almost empty. She had left him. Jack remembered walking to his room, on his bed was a shoe box. A letter taped to the lid ‘Jack, love you always, Mom x’ The box was under his bed. A month later he couldn’t bring himself to open it. Packing his old room he had thought about just leaving it there, but he couldn’t, so it was now under his bed. 

“Are you up son?” Son, his father had been calling him that a lot lately. As though he was reminding him that they were a family. 

“Yeah.” Jack said quietly and sat up. First day at a new school. He turned his alarm off, Blink 182 filling his ears normally made him smile, but not today. Getting dressed was normally easy for him, skinny jeans, band tee, vans. Simple. But he felt like he should make a bit more of an effort, who knew what the kids dressed like here? He pulled on his grey jeans and converses, he found a plain black tee and a plain black shirt to put over it. He grabbed his bag and walked downstairs slowly, he could smell breakfast; pancakes his favourite, but today the smell just made him feel sick. 

“Morning,” His father smiled, it was as though he was trying too hard to be cheerful, Jack saw right through it and just nodded. “Have you taken your medication?” Jack shook his head and sighed as his father went to the cupboard, taking a tablet out for him; atomoxetine - Jack suffered from ADHD, concentration had always been hard for him, his mind would jump from one thing to another often leading to him feel confused about what he was doing. The tablets just calmed him down, let his mind relax. These days he didn’t feel like he needed to take them. Jack had spent most days just in his room, no longer bouncing around like he normally did, the only thing that used to calm him down, give him any sense of calmful bliss was his guitar, but he hadn’t even unpacked it. It was still in the case and like the shoe box was hiding under his bed. “You know you need to keep taking it. You’ll get sick.” His father pushed it over with a glass of water and Jack took it mutely, he forced himself to pick at the pancakes, his father put the loss of appetite down to first day jitters and Jack again just nodded, truthfully he hadn’t felt like eating since his Mom had left him. 

“I’m going to head to school.” Jack said standing up and pushing his chair away from the table, tucking it in before his dad could say anything. 

“Do you want a lift?” He asked softly. His dad had got a job in the local Doctor’s Surgery just a few blocks from the school. 

“Yeah, if you don’t mind.” Jack said softly, honestly he couldn’t really remember where the school was, and he didn’t want to wander around aimlessly. 

 

20 minutes later and Jack was sitting in the car outside his new school. The building was modern, spread out across four blocks. Jack knew he was bound to get lost at some point. “Jack, I know that you don’t want to be here. But...Please make the most of it. You can have a good time here, make new relationships, join clubs…” 

“Dad…” Jack started, he didn’t want to have this talk right now. 

“No, listen.” He said softly. “I’m sorry about everything that has happened, not telling you how bad things were getting...But you have handled it really well. I’m proud of you.” Jack looked up startled, his dad had never told him that he was proud of him. Jack liked hearing that. 

“Thank you.” Jack whispered, he wasn’t too sure what he should say. His father nodded and that was Jack’s cue to get out of the car. 

 

Jack walked through the entrance and looked around, he figured the reception should be around here somewhere. He walked around a corner and sighed in relief when he saw it, he tugged on his shirt a little trying to smooth out some of the creases. It took five minutes for him to get his timetable and locker information, and then another ten minutes trying to find his form class. The bell had already signalled the start of the day when he found the right room, nervously he tapped on the door and waited for someone to call him to come in. Butterflies filled his stomach as he walked in, this was it. 

“Ah, you must be Jack.” A tall man, with light brown hair beamed at him. “I’m Mr Becker, your form tutor.” 

“Hi.” Jack said softly. Jack was glad to see that the students in the room were chatting amongst themselves no one really paying attention to him. 

“Sorry I did assign someone to come and meet you at reception, but he’s just emailed to say he is running late.” Mr Becker apologised softly, Jack just nodded, he thought that might have been a little bit more embarrassing. Being assigned to someone. He was kind of glad that the stranger had been running late. “Did you get everything you need?” 

“Yeah,” He nodded softly.

“I had a look at your timetable, you’re in my math class which you have first so you can stay in here after, and Alexander is in most of your classes and he’ll show you around.” 

“Okay, thanks.” Jack said not knowing if he could say he would be able to find the classes on his own, though he knew that probably wouldn’t be the case. This school was like a bloody maze. 

His teacher pointed to a seat in the middle and he sat down, a few students smiled at him and he smiled back. Mr Becker introduced him and Jack was glad to have been sat down as he did, and not standing in the front because that would have just been awkward. Thankfully the attention was off of him when the door opened and a tall boy walked in. 

“Sorry!” He said and to Jack’s surprise, Mr Becker just laughed. 

“I should have known you would be late.” He said lightly. “What’s the excuse today?” 

“Erm…” The boy chewed on his lip. “I forgot where the school was.” He nods and a few of the students laugh, some roll their eyes. 

“Go and sit down, Alex. Jack is sitting beside you, you two are in pretty much the same classes. I trust you to not corrupt him.” 

“I’ll try.” Alex grinned and walked over to Jack and sat beside him. “Hey, I’m sorry I was late this morning to show you around.” 

“That’s okay.” Jack shrugged. 

“Cool.” Alex beamed and took his books out. “Can I see your timetable?” Jack handed it over to him and raised an eyebrow as he started to draw what looked to be a map with little codes. “Now, this should be a bit easier for you to find your way around.” 

“Oh, thanks.” Jack said and looked at it. It did look a little more easier to understand. 

“But I obviously didn’t put the secret cool spots on here. Those I will show you.” He winked, Jack just laughed not really sure if he was being serious or not. Though as Alex looked at him, with such mystery behind those brown eyes, he couldn’t wait to find out.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 

“So, where did you move from?” Alex asks as Mr Becker continues to talk through a school event, Jack partly thinks that maybe he should be listening to him, but he would prefer to talk to Alex more. 

“Ohio.” Jack answers. “A small town, I’m pretty sure my old town could fit into one of these school blocks.” 

Alex laughs softly at the joke, and Jack doesn’t know why but he’s drawn to it. “It’s a big school, but the kids here are mostly nice. It’s more of an arts school, so there isn’t the typical Jock bully thing you know?” Jack just nods. “We do have a football team, my friend - Zack he’s the captain. They don’t suck that bad, but then he’s also in the school band too.” 

“In my old school if the captain of the football team even hummed pop song he would have been called a fag or something.” Jack sighs shaking his head. He doesn’t miss the way Alex flinches at the word. “Not that I really cared, honestly I was more into singing pop songs and goofing off then watching the team.” 

“Right.” Alex nodded with a small smile. He seemed a little timid now and Jack wasn’t too sure why. “Are you going to join any clubs here?” 

“My dad said I should.” Jack sighed. “I think I just want to get through my first week.” 

“Sounds like a good idea.” Alex smiled. 

“Are you in any clubs?” Jack asked. 

“It’s not really a club but I hang out in the music block most days after school.” He said softly. “I’m not into forced social interaction.” Jack nodded, he really didn’t know what to say to that. Alex seemed so cool and confident, he just assumed he was president of every club going. “Do you play any instruments?” 

“I...No.” Jack shook his head, he thought about his guitar under his bed, the idea of playing just made him feel sick. His Mom always told him he would be a musician one day, she also said he would be at his first show. Right. 

“Jack?” Alex said a little loudly and Jack blinked, he must have been caught up in his thoughts. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah.” Jack nodded. “Sorry just… spaced out.” 

“That’s okay. No one sits here for math, you can stay here if you want.” Alex said and Jack looked around to see a few students moving seats and some leaving the room. The bell must have gone signalling the start of classes. Jack just nods now he’s thinking about his Mom and he can’t really stop. He can feel Alex watching him, maybe he should get up and find somewhere else to sit, but people are already filing into the room and where would he sit? He sighed quietly and looked at the book Mr Becker put on his desk. He hated math. 

Alex was smart, though he didn’t say any of the answers in class, Jack could see that he had got all of them right, unlike himself who had barely managed to get two questions right. Half way through the lesson Jack gave up, he started to tap with his pencil, his mind filling with restless energy. Jack didn’t care that every time he tapped Alex kept shooting glances, he wasn’t paying attention to him, where they looks of annoyance or confusion, he really didn’t care. 

“Jack, is everything okay?” It was Mr Becker, he was crouching down in front of his desk. Jack’s tapping had gotten louder and quicker and harder for the students around him to ignore. Jack snapped out of his daze and dropped his pencil as though it had burned his finger tips. “Do you need a minute?” Jack just nodded, he didn’t say anything and just walked out of the classroom. He walked down the corridor and found the signs for the toilets and sat in one of the stalls. Back pressed against the cold door, knees brought up to his chest. He hated his Mom for doing this to him. 

 

“Jack…?” A familiar voice broke the silence in the bathroom and Jack sighed, he wasn’t too sure how long he had been in the tiled room for, all he knew was he was calmer now. 

“In here.” Jack sighed, knowing his first day was already bad enough, the least he could do was end the day with at least one friend. Jack felt Alex sit at the other side of the door and he felt grateful that Alex hadn’t asked him to come out. 

“Are you okay?” Alex’s voice was quiet, but Jack heard him as though he was using a microphone. 

“I just...I got lost in my thoughts.” Jack replied lamely. Deep down he didn’t think being upset by his mother leaving him should be enough reason for him to be so spaced out, then again he knew that his ADHD went weird when his moods were off. Not to mention he knew he hadn’t really been feeling one hundred percent himself the past month. 

“It’s okay.” Alex replied. “We have music next, Mr Becker said if you want to skip it he can write you a pass.” 

“No, I don’t want to be the new kid that runs out in class and gets special treatment.” He sighed and stood up, his long limbs moaning at the sudden movement. Jack opened the door and smiled weakly at Alex who was still sitting on the floor. 

“Oh good, I wasn’t too sure how long I would have to sit here. I didn’t really think about it before sitting down, but well it’s kinda gross.” Alex grinned and jumped up, making a dramatic show of wiping down his tight skinny jeans. Jack couldn’t help but laugh and do the same to his own trousers. 

“Are...Are you in my music class?” Jack asked a little shyly. 

“I sure am.” Alex smiled back. 

“Good.” Jack said and walked down with him, glad that Alex had grabbed his bag for him, 

“I’m not going to ask if you’re okay, I know from personal experiences that that question is just simply annoying and of course you’re not okay because let’s face it you just ran and hid in a bathroom for ten minutes… but if you want to talk, I’m here.” Alex rambled and ended it with a soft smile that made Jack stop a little. 

“Thanks.” He whispered, he almost felt as though a little pressure had been taken off of his chest as he followed Alex to the music block.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted this last April and gave up on it.  
> But now my Jalex bug is back, and I am definitely going to be updating this more regularly.  
> Please comment :D

The music room was huge, it was almost twice the size as the maths room he had just left and Jack couldn't help but look around in awe. “Woah.” He breathed as he followed Alex in. 

“I know right.” Alex grinned, he couldn't help but stare a little longer at the awed expression on the younger boys face. “Like I said it's more of an art school so there's fantastic facilities.” 

Jack just nodded mutely taking in all of the posters and instruments that were hanging on the wall. “Hey Alex, and you must be Jack.” Jack turned to see a tall man smiling at him, his eyes were insanely blue and his hair was swept over his face a little. 

“Jack that's Tom the music teacher.” 

“Hi.” Jack smiled shyly. 

“Do you play anything?” Tom asked watching as the new boy went back to gazing at the instruments. Mr Becker had sent an email for him to look out for Jack, explaining how he had to leave the class and wanting to know if he was okay. 

“I kicked ass at the triangle in my old school.” Jack grinned easily and he was surprised at how normal he sounded. He used to make jokes a lot like that back at his old school, his Mom would always tell him if he put as much energy into his schoolwork as he did in making people smile and laugh he would be getting A’s and B’s instead of D’s. 

“Well with an attitude like that I hope you consider joining the school band. We are as it happens a triangle player short…” 

Jack just shrugs, he had gone back to thinking about his Mom and now he couldn't even remember the joke. He saw Alex talking to a group of students and just walked to the back and sat on his own in the corner. Tom watching him closely, he could see something was seriously bothering the young boy and he knew the school would do everything they could to help him. 

Once the class fills in Jack is surprised that everyone sits towards the front, no one ventures to the back row and he's glad because he just wants some peace and quiet. Tom doesn't mention it but he looks over a lot and makes sure Jack is listening and taking notes - which he is. They're looking at song lyrics and Jack is surprised at how much pop and punk lyrics the students are shouting out. Alex is particularly animated in this class and Jack misses sitting by him, but then thinks he would probably just end up distracting him. Jack's fine at the back scribbling his notes. 

“Before we start looking at instruments to see if you guys have been practicing, I want you to write down your homework assignment for the week. I want you to write down your own lyrics. Just a chorus of a bridge, and it has to be how you're feeling right now. The best lyricists in the world are so good because they have a way of making you feel what they felt when they wrote it. It doesn't have to have the tune yet, this will be our project for the term for now just start with some words.” 

Jack was surprised to hear actual excitement for the project, he had never known a class to feel excited about homework. But this did seem pretty cool. His old music class would have had an assignment on researching songs not making their own. Maybe it was a cool class. “Okay guys so who wants to come and show me what they've learned this week.” Hands shot up and Tom picked students randomly to showcase their musical talents for five minutes and everyone clapped and cheered when they finished, even if their performance wasn't that great. Jack spent the time watching Alex, Alex who had been hanging onto every word Tom had been saying now had his head down and eyes fixed on his notebook, his hand moving at crazy speed as he wrote. Jack smiled at that and started to idly doodle in his own book. 

Once the bell rang the class filled out slowly, Jack put his things in his bag not noticing that he was the second to last one. “Didn't feel like sharing your amazing kick ass triangle skills today?” Tom asked looking at Jack. 

“Not today.” Jack said with a shrug of his shoulders. 

“Maybe Thursday?” Tom smiled. 

“Maybe.” Jack sighed and pulled out his timetable from his back pocket. 

“We have lunch now.” Alex said to him and Jack just nodded slowly. “Come on. Bye Tom.”

“Bye Lex, bye Jack.” Tom smiled. He knew Jack would be okay with a friend like Alex. 

“What did you think of the class?” Alex asked. 

“It was good. Different to what I'm used to.”

“Mm.” Alex nodded. “Toms new. He started last year, our old teacher wasn't enthusiastic. But it's awesome now.” 

“Yeah.” Jack nodded. 

“Maybe Thursday you can sit with me? It's fun when you're with someone in that class.” 

“Oh I… You were with people.” 

“Yeah but I wouldn't have minded if you sat with us. Or we could sit behind them.” 

“Thanks. We’ll see.” Jack smiled and he can't help but think of how nice Alex is being to him. 

“So lunch is awesome here. They have pizza and stuff like that.” Alex hums and Jack wonders if he's always this happy. He doesn't know if he's met anyone that just seems to burst with life like the way Alex does. 

“Cool.” Jack nods, and he's trying to find the old Jack. The old Jack who would hear pizza and turn into a possessed animal wanting every slice. But he can't find him. He doesn't know if he would ever find him again. “I’m not really that hungry,” Jack sighs, the thought of actually eating anything fills his stomach with acid. 

“Oh.” Alex says and he frowns and looks at him slowly. “Okay, well they do these like snack bars too. You should get one because you’ll be hungry later.” 

“Okay.” Jack just nods and he wants to ask why Alex cares so much, but he holds it in, because he doesn’t want to be rude, and he doesn’t want the kindness to stop. So he does what Alex says, he grabs a bottle of water and a snack bar and pockets it for lt later. Alex leads him to a table at the back, it’s empty and Jack has a feeling it won’t be for long. Alex is a nice person and he can see why people want to be around him. 

A moment later two boys sit at the table, they grin at Alex and smile warmly to Jack. “So these are my best friends Rian and Zack. This is Jack. He’s new and awesome.” Jack smiles shyly at that, he’s awesome. 

“Hey.” He smiles. 

“Hey.” Rian grins. “Where did you move from?”

“Ohio.” Jack says and he opens his water and takes a longer sip than he needed, he didn’t want to talk about his life. Alex who had noticed changed the topic and started to talk about football, Zack was the captain and their conversation about the upcoming game seemed to take over the table. Jack had never been more grateful. 

Lunch finished at the four of them shared their next class, Jack just followed them aimlessly, he knew if he was to walk this way on his own he wouldn’t have a clue where to go and maybe he should be paying more attention but he just can’t seem to get out of his head. He’s thinking too hard, he misses his friends, and his old school and he knows if he was back home he would be behind the bleachers with Josh or Max, maybe lighting one up or just goofing around. He missed them so much, and then he thought of his Mom and he was trying not to, but the whole in his heart seemed to be getting bigger and bigger.

“We’ll catch you up.” Alex voice sounds distant, like he’s underwater and suddenly there’s someone holding his hand and he’s being pulled in a different direction and then he’s outside and he’s climbing the stairs and he just has no idea where he is, but Alex has his hand and he’s safe. “You need to breathe Jack.” Alex whispers and he’s being sat down on something cold and if he looks down he would see that he’s sat on a metal bench. “Jack…” 

Jack blinks up, Alex is louder now and he slows his breathing down. “What happened?”

“I think you were having a panic attack.” Alex says lightly, and he’s crouching in front of him, his eyes so bright with worry. “I think you’re okay now, but you should drink this.” He hands him his bottle of water from his bag and Alex drinks it, “Slow sips.” Alex says and Jack slows down. “You’ll feel dizzy, so you should sit down for a while.” 

“I...You know a lot about panic attacks.” Jack comments looking down. 

“I get them. A lot. I know the tricks now.” Alex nods and he has a small smile, and when he’s sure Jack isn’t going to suddenly fall forward he moves and sits beside him. “Keep drinking.” So Jack does. 

“Where are we?” Jack asks looking around. 

“One of my many secret hiding spots.” Alex hums. “It’s the roof of the art block.” 

“I didn’t think students would just have access to roofs.” Jack smiles. 

“Well that’s why it’s secret.” Alex grins back and Jack just giggles back. “Are you okay now?”

“Yeah. Thanks.” Jack nods. “I was just...There’s just a lot of changes in my life right now, and I don’t know how to keep up with them. I was just missing my friends.” 

“I get it.” Alex nods. “I moved here when I was seven from England.” Alex sighs. “I was seven and I think I had finally made awesome friends you know? Like they were my brothers and we had secret handshakes and codes and all that childish shit. Then we moved here. I didn’t know how to handle it. I was the weird kid with the weird accent and my friends didn’t have phones you know so I couldn’t keep in touch.” 

“You got used to it here though?” Jack asks. 

“Well no. I don’t think I’m used to anything here.” Alex laughs. “I mean...I probably don’t remember England much, maybe whatever I do remember is just dreams. But I always think of how different things would be if we had stayed there.” There’s something in his voice and Jack can just hear how sad he is. He reaches over and takes his hand and just squeezes it, because it feels like the right thing to do. “But it’s not bad here.” Alex says and he squeezes back just a little and then their hands stay like that. “Zack and Rian are amazing friends. We hang out all the time, so you can hang too. They’re family. It’s a small going nowhere town, but there’s a theme park an hour away, the beach another hour, we have a mall with a hot topic, and then bowling and things. So it’s not that bad. And your friends are just a phone call away. And I have a car, and if you ever want to road trip...I’ll happily drive you to see them.” 

“You would?” Jack asked, his eyes welling up because Alex was just… and he was emotional lately. 

“Course.” Alex smiled. “You’d do the same for me right?”

“I don’t think you’d want me to drive.” Jack grinned and he wipes his eyes shyly. “Thank you Alex.”   
“What are friends for?” Alex smiles and for the first time that day Jack smiles back and it’s a big goofy old Jack smile.


	5. Chapter 5

Jack couldn't believe he had been at here for a week. It's gone both fast and slow and he's not too sure how he feels about it. School is okay, the classes are better than his old ones but he misses his friends and the familiarity of it like crazy. Not that he hasn't made friends here, Alex, Zack and Rian have taken him as one of their own and he's always at one of their houses. It's refreshing, not to feel so alone all of the time. His dad has been busy at the clinic and working hard so that they could have a fresh start. They spoke a lot more, if they didn't see each other for breakfast they would make sure to sit and have dinner. Or at least just catch up during the day whenever possible. Sometimes Jack was honest with his dad about how he was feeling, like he would tell him that he missed his friends and he missed his Mom, but that just gave his dad a sad look in his eyes and Jack hated that look, so most of the time of his dad asked him how he was, he would nod and say fine. But Jack realised he was far from feeling fine, he just didn't know what to do about it. 

“I miss you guys.” Jack sighed as he kicked his legs on the swing, it was early Saturday morning and Jack couldn't sleep, every time he closed his eyes he was bombarded with images of a happier time, it was like they were taunting him. 

“We all miss you too Jack.” Josh said gently down the phone. “But it won't be for long, you have a year till you can graduate and then it's college like we all planned?” 

“A lot can happen in a year.” Jack sighed. “But yes. College.” It had been a pact that his group had friends made at the beginning of the year when the realisation of college hit. They would go to ones near each other and would visit at every break. It was all Jack had been holding onto since he found out about the move. 

“Are you okay, Jack?” Josh asked concerned. 

“I… No. I'm not.” Jack whispered and it felt good to actually tell the truth. “I'm trying to be okay but I just… Everything feels like it's in black and white.” 

“Oh Jack.” Josh said gently. “I think you should go to the doctors… You've had a lot on your mind recently and your hormones are probably off balance. You haven't been taking your ADHD meds have you?” 

“No but I haven't exactly been throwing myself off of walls either.” Jack sighed. 

“Maybe not but you know they do more than just calm you down.” Josh said softly. “I know it's only been a week but I'm coming to see you.”

“What…?” Jack frowned blinking back tears. 

“I'll leave in a bit and will probably get there around six. So make the bed up for me.”

“You're really going to come?” Jack whispered. 

“Of course. I'll see you soon Jack.” Josh hung up and Jack just smiled softly to himself. He really did have the best friends in the world. He kicked his feet a little more feeling a lot lighter than he had before. Josh was coming to see him for the weekend, maybe that was all that he needed - to see a familiar face and then everything would be okay. 

Just as Jack was about to head home to tidy his room a little, he heard shouting from a familiar voice and turned around to see Alex throwing a ball to a small dog who was chasing it wildy. “Seb! Get the ball!” Alex cheered. 

“Go Seb!” Jack cheered as he approached Alex. He hadn’t even considered getting up and speaking to him, he just did on autopilot. Not that he minded at all really. Alex was a friend and one of the nicest people he had met here. 

“Hey!” Alex grinned looking up at Jack. “You’re up early.” 

“So are you.” Jack said back with a small smile. As he got closer to Alex the dog raced over to him and instantly started to attack Jack’s legs, making the teen laugh at his antics as he scratched behind his ears. “Good boy.” He grinned. 

“My Mom and Dad are away for the weekend, so I’m on dog watch.” Alex grinned. “My Mom’s so spoilt him with these early morning walks, he wouldn’t let me rest.” 

“Such a shame.” Jack smiled softly and the dog soon got bored of him and raced back over as Alex threw the ball again. 

“So, how come you’re up so early?” Alex asked softly.

“I just couldn’t sleep.” Jack shrugged softly. “I came for a walk and just ended up sitting on the swing for a while.” 

“Walks are good, sometimes we all just need to clear our heads out.” Alex smiled watching Jack closely. 

“My friend is coming today.” Jack said, and he really didn’t know why he did. Maybe he was excited and he just wanted to share it with someone. 

“From home? That’s awesome.” Alex grinned.

“Yeah. He’s like one of my best friends, he...I can be honest with him, about feelings and I don’t have to just pretend everything's okay.” Jack sighed, and again he wondered why he was talking. 

“I know what you mean.” Alex said softly. “My friend Rian, he’s that for me.” Jack just nodded watching him with a small smile. “I’ll introduce you on Monday, and to Zack. They’re like my brothers. And I think it would be cool if you had more people here who you could talk to?”

“I guess.” Jack shrugged and chewed on his bottom lip. “I’d like that.” 

“Cool.” Alex smiled. “So, what are you and your friend going to get up to?”

“I don’t actually know.” Jack shrugged. “I would show him the sights but considering I haven’t found them yet…” 

“Well I’m sure whatever you do you will have a great time.” Alex smiled. 

“Thanks.” Jack yawned. 

“Maybe you should nap first?” Alex suggested. 

“Mm.” Jack said with another shrug. A nap didn’t sound half bad. “I think that’s probably a good idea.” 

Alex nodded and called his dog back over and putting the leash on him. “I’ll walk with you?”

“Okay.” Jack nods and he walks with Alex towards the park exit. 

“You know…” Alex says softly. “If you ever want to talk about feelings and things, I’m here. We might not know each other very well, but I am a good listener, and you’re a great guy Jack. Don’t hold it all in okay?” 

Jack just stares at the ground a little dumbfounded, Alex once again proving just how much of an amazing man he is. “Thank you.” Jack whispered and he turned to Alex - his eyes showing just how much he really means it. “I’m here for you too.” 

“Good.” Alex smiles and before they realise it they’re outside Jack’s house and saying goodbye. 

Jack heads into his house and calls out for his dad, not surprised to find that he’s already at work. He sends a text saying that Josh will be staying for the weekend knowing that it would be absolutely fine, he goes up to his room and looks at the boxes and the clothes laying around and quickly tidies it up before flopping onto his bed. He closes his eyes and thinks of Alex and how glad he is to have met him, and he thinks maybe this place isn’t so bad, and for one little moment before he closes his eyes he’s sure he’s starting to see in colour again.


	6. Chapter 6

“I can't believe you're here.” Jack breathed as he wrapped his arms around Josh. Josh who was grinning like a fool into his best friend's shoulder. 

“Jack of course I'm here.” Josh said and he frowned, it had been just over a week since he had last seen his best friend, and he could feel how much weight he had lost. “Now are you going to let me in or…”

“Oh right sorry.” Jack grinned and stepped aside so Josh could come in. Josh kicked off his converses and jumper and looked around. “It's not as big as the last place…”

“But is cosy and awesome.” Josh finished. “Where's the shag pad then?”

“No one says shag.” Jack laughed and Josh just rolled his eyes. Jack trudged upstairs to his room and smiled. “This is mine. It's bigger than my old one.”

“Your old one was tiny. Harry Potter lived in a bigger room.” Josh teased, receiving a slap on the head for his efforts. “So, It's late but there's something I want us to do.”

“What's that?” Jack asked sitting crossed legged on the bed. 

Josh moved over and sat beside him. “I want us to go to the walk in doctors and get you something…”

“Josh…”

“I know you won't go if I'm not there and you'll lie and tell your dad you're okay to spare his feelings. So please… There's one just around the corner from here and it's right next to a taco place…”

“They have tacos here?” Jack's eyes widened excitedly. 

“Jack you moved to Baltimore not the moon.” Josh laughed and Jack just grinned at him innocently. “So what do you say?”

“You'll come in with me?” Jack asked and Josh hated how he sounded so small, so childlike. It was weird coming from the boy who used to be so full of life. 

“Of course.” Josh promised. 

“What if they want to admit me?” Jack whispered. 

“I'm sure they won't.” Josh said and reached for his hand giving it a little squeeze. “Come on. The quicker we get this done the sooner we can have tacos and go bowling.”

“Bowling!” Jack grinned adorably. 

“Come on.” Josh jumped up and held his hand out and Jack took it with a smile. He was nervous about going to the doctors but he knew it was probably for the best. 

 

The walk to the walk in centre was quiet, Josh followed the directions on his phone and Jack just followed him aimlessly. Josh knew his friend was worried, he had been on his ADHD tablets since he was six so just the thought of getting more tablets, or being reprimanded for not taking his pills was scary to Jack, he got that, he just wanted his friend to have someone to talk to, because maybe that’s all that he really needed in life. Jack left Josh to talk and sign him in at the front desk and he went and sat at the back, he pulled his legs up on the chair and wrapped his arms around his knees and sighed quietly, he was so busy watching Josh and listening to what he was saying that he didn’t notice the three boys scramble into the room. 

“Alex goddamit you’re going to drop me!” A loud voice caught Jack’s attention and he groaned when he saw Alex trying not to laugh as he held a muscular boy up, on the other side of said boy was a shorter guy who was also trying not to laugh as they held the boy who had clearly done something to his foot from how much he was hobbling. 

“Well you’re so heavy it’s not my fault!” Alex said shaking his head and sat him down on one of the chairs as the other boy went to the front desk. Alex turned and looked around and raised an eyebrow when he saw Jack. “Jack…” 

“Hey,” Jack says quietly looking up at him. “Is...Everything okay?” 

“Zack fell off of his skate board.” Alex said rolling his eyes and walking towards him. “Everything okay with you?” 

“Er yeah.” Jack shrugged. “I just gotta see someone.” He said nervously scratching the back of his head. 

“Hey Jack, they said they’d be about ten minutes. You need to fill these in. Oh hey.” Josh smiled as he saw Alex. “I’m Josh.” 

“It’s nice to meet you, I’m Alex.” Alex grinned and he held his hand out and Josh shook it. 

“Thanks Josh.” Jack said and grabbed a pen and sat writing some information down not noticing the way Alex looked at him as he did, but Jack caught the worried glance. 

“So, after this we are going for Tacos if you want to come?” Josh said and Jack looked up at him confused. 

“I...I wouldn’t want to impose, I know you two have some catching up to do.” 

“It’s cool.” Jack shrugged and grabbed his ADHD tablets so he could write the name of it.

“Did I hear tacos?” Rian grinned walking up behind Alex. 

“Jack this is Rian. Rian this is Jack the new kid at school and his friend Josh. This over there with the injured foot is Zack.” Zack gave a little wave to show that he had heard and Jack smiled back. 

“Cool to meet you.” Josh grinned. “And yes Tacos. After we’re done here.” 

“Sounds good.” Rian grinned. “Zack has to get an x-ray. They’re ready for him now, I’ll go with him and meet you back here?”

“Sounds good.” Alex nodded and watched as Zack was put into a wheelchair and wheeled towards the x-ray area. Alex turned back to Jack who was staring at the clipboard with a frown. “You okay?” 

“Oh yeah.” Jack just shrugged and ticked a few boxes and looked up. 

“Jack Barakat…” Jack jumped as his name was called and he looked at Josh nervously.

“Don’t worry I’m still coming in.” Josh said and took Jack’s shaking hand in his. “We won’t be long.” 

“I’ll be here.” Alex nodded and his eyes were drawn to Jack and Josh’s hands, again Jack didn’t see but Josh did. Josh smiled softly at Alex hoping to tell him it meant nothing but his name was called again and Josh followed Jack in, leaving a disheartened Alex behind.


	7. Chapter 7

Thirty minutes later Jack walked out of the consultant room with red eyes, Josh was standing close beside him pressing a hand gently on his shoulder reassuringly. “It’s okay,” Josh said gently as they headed over to Alex, “Everything will be okay now.” 

“Hope so.” Jack sighed and leaned into him. Josh was his comfort blanket, he didn’t know what he would be doing when Josh went back home. 

“Will be.” Josh smiled and gave him a squeeze. “There's Alex.” To which Jack just nodded and smiled shyly. “Hey Alex. Where's your friends?” 

“Zack has had his X-Ray and it's sprained his dad's on his way to pick him up. Rian is going to meet us for tacos once he's here if we’re still going?” 

“I like tacos.” Jack smiled and Alex chuckled. 

“Guess that's a yes then.” Josh smiled. “Come on then boys.” Alex smiled and stepped in line with them and they walked happily to the taco place. Josh was talking about home and Jack was nodding along, he really did miss his friends. 

“Me and Jack are going to road trip soon and see you all.” Alex grinned looking at Jack whose face lit up. 

“You really meant it?” Jack asked softly. 

“Of course I meant it.” Alex hummed. Jack beamed at him and Josh was happy to see that his friend finally had a sincere smile on his face. Alex was definitely good for him. 

 

Rian joined them just before they ordered and the four of them sat in a booth talking and laughing as though they had all known each other for years. Josh was so glad to see Jack joining in the conversation and looking at ease he knew this was something Alex and Rian hadn't really seen by their continued surprised expressions every time Jack cracked a joke. Jack had been the social one in the group back at home, always friendly with everyone and made anyone he spoke to feel like they were part of something special. 

Just before their food came Jack and Rian headed to the bathroom leaving Alex and Josh alone. “So you and Jack… You're together?” Alex asked. 

“No.” Josh grinned. “He's my best friend and like a little brother to me. He is gay though and single…” Josh hummed smirking when he saw the small sparkle in Alex's eye. “So I don't really know if I should be telling you this but jacks been through a lot and I'm not too sure if he's told you any of this but he's on medication now, he has ADHD anyway and he's stopped taking his pills for it and he can pretty much fly off the handle without them, but now he's on new ones and they should help with his moods. But he needs someone to make sure he's okay because this Jack I saw when I first arrived. That's not my friend. My friend is loud and annoying. He laughs at everything and says so much inappropriate things it's ridiculous. He talks about boobs and sex all the time and he loves music and all he wants to do is be the guitarist in a kick ass band.” Josh sighed. 

“I'll be there for him.” Alex promised once Josh had stopped talking. “I would love to get to know that Jack.” Alex smiled softly. “But I'll always be there for him. So will Rian and Zack.” 

“Thank you.” Josh smiled. He felt relieved now he had spoken to Alex like he could leave and feel reassured that Jack would be okay. He knew he would most definitely do everything he could to make sure that that was the case anyway.


	8. Chapter 8

Jack hated how quick the weekend had gone. The first night with Josh there they had gone for dinner and then the four of them were playing in the arcade for hours before all heading to Jack's house for a movie marathon. In the morning Alex and Rian headed home and Jack and Josh spent the day lazing around but now Josh had to drive back home and Jack literally felt like the world was ending. 

“It's school break in four weeks and you all are going to come down and see us and we are going to party.” Josh said softly as Jack wrapped his arms around him. “And we will still talk every day okay? No matter what Jack you can call me always.” Josh soothed. 

“I know.” Jack sighed looking down. “Just not the same.” 

“I know.” Josh said and gave him a tight squeeze. “I better go before it gets too late. I'll call you when I'm home.” 

“Okay, thanks for coming.” Jack said with a smile. One last hug between them Jack walked Josh to his car and watched as he drove out of the driveway and then down the road. 

Jack sat on the wall kicking his legs aimlessly, he felt a little better after seeing Josh. Especially hanging out with Alex and Rian and even Zack, maybe he did have friends and he could start fresh. Feeling a little brighter he jumped off of the wall and headed to his room. It was still a plain white, he had been adamant that he wasn't going to decorate but now he did feel like making this place feel like home. 

Jack collapsed against the bed three hours later, he had completely moved his room around and unpacked his photos and posters that he would put up once he painted the room. Looking around his room he smiled to himself, he felt like he actually belonged again, like he finally had a sense of self. He grabbed his phone by his pillow and smiled when he saw he had a few texts from Alex, all asking if he was okay and if he wanted to hang. Pressing the call button because he was certain his hands hurt too much to actually type a response, he put it in speaker and laid his phone on his chest. 

“Hey Jack.” Alex said cheerily. 

“Hey.” Jack smiled as he spoke. “Sorry I didn't text back I was unpacking.” 

“That's okay.” Alex hummed. “Finally unlocked huh?” 

“Yeah. Thought might as well. This is home now.” 

“Well I'm glad you feel a bit better about the whole move thing.” 

“Me too. Now I just need some paint to decorate and it will feel more like my room.” 

“I have some paint here. Random colours. My dad just decorated the house so we have some left over. You can have them if you want?” 

“Your dad won't mind?” Jack grinned. 

“Nah.” Alex laughed. “Probably be glad to get rid of the tins to be honest.”

“Fair enough. You fancy helping me paint?” 

“Paint party!” Alex cheered loudly, Jack couldn't help but laugh at that and as he did he knocked his phone to the floor. 

“Shit.” Jack groaned. 

“Jack?” Alex laughed as he heard some thinking around. 

“I'm here I'm here I just dropped my phone.”  
Jack said picking it up. “Okay I'm back. And yeah okay a paint party sounds good if we can make it paint pizza beer?” 

“Sounds awesome. Friday night?” 

“Friday night.” Jack beamed. “Invite Rian and Zack?”

“Yeah? Okay we can tell them at lunch tomorrow. Zack is an amazing artist so he'll probably end up painting something on your wall.”

“I’d like that.” Jack grinned on the phone. 

“Cool. So it was nice spending the weekend with you and Josh.” Alex smiled as he spoke. “He’s pretty awesome.” 

“Yeah, he is.” Jack sighed. “But there’s awesome people here too.” 

“Oh really?” Alex chuckled. 

“Really. I just need to try and remember that.” Jack sighed again. “So I’m sorry in advance if I’m moody or sad or just missing everyone back home. It’s nothing against you guys at all.” 

“Hey Jack, you really don’t need to be saying this. I know what it’s like remember, and I know that it will get easier and you’ll be okay.” 

“You know all of that?” Jack smiled. Talking to Alex made him feel so much lighter about everything, it made his stomach flutter and his cheeks burn. He liked the feeling. 

“I do.” Alex hummed. “I also know that I’m starving and I could do with some pizza.” 

“Ooh I like pizza.” Jack giggled.  
“Good thing I’m standing outside of your house with pizza then.” Jack frowned as Alex spoke and then there was a ring at the door and he just grinned. Alex was pretty awesome.


	9. Chapter 9

Alex ends up sleeping over, the pizza had turned into a movie marathon and when Jack's dad poked his head into make sure Jack was okay, he found the boys cuddled on the bed, both fast asleep with soft smiles on their faces. That's how Alex woke up, Jack's head nestled on his chest and their legs tangled together. At first Alex had been a little confused about waking up like this, but when he saw that Jack was smiling all those confused feelings washed away and this felt so natural to him. Alex pulled away a little to go to the bathroom and wash his face, he looked at his reflection and was surprised to see that he was smile, like an actual real smile. He shook his head before the sad thoughts swept back in and he headed to the bedroom, Jack had now cuddled into the pillow Alex had been sleeping on and Alex just laughed, Jack was just insanely adorable. He walked over and sat on the edge and felt Jack snuggle close and he immediately wrapped his arms around him. “Lex?” Jack yawned. 

“Yes sleeping beauty?” Alex giggled and tucked his legs back under the blanket. 

“We’re cuddling.” Jack whispered, but made no attempt to physically move. 

“We are.” Alex nodded and found his hand coming down and running along Jack’s back and rubbing it smoothingly, he liked the way that Jack practically purred against him. 

“I like it.” Jack said quietly, he was almost embarrassed. 

“Hey,” Alex said gently and tilted his chin up so he could look into those bright brown eyes. “I like it too.” That was all Jack needed for his face to light up in a big grin and he resumed the cuddling position. 

“What we doing today?” Jack asked after a few minutes. 

“Well we kinda have school.” Alex said turning to look at the clock and cursed quietly, “That we kinda missed half of already.” 

“Shit.” Jack laughed. 

“It’s cool.” Alex smiled. “We can go in now.” 

“Or we can not.” Jack pouted. 

“My parents would kill me if I missed a whole day.” Alex said softly. 

“I don’t think my dad would even notice.” Jack sighed. 

“He came in last night to check on you.” Alex hummed. 

“He did?” Jack frowned. 

“Yeah, he came in and saw you sleeping and smiled before heading to bed.” Alex nodded, remembering turning as the door opened, at first he had been a little scared that his dad would throw him out, but he had just smiled and nodded and headed back out. 

“Probably thinks you’re my boyfriend.” Jack chuckled. 

“Does your dad know you’re gay?” Alex asked curiously. 

“Yeah, told him and my Mom last year. They’re cool.” Jack shrugged. “Well...My dad is.” 

“How did your Mom take it?” Alex asked. 

“Okay I guess. She left a couple months after, so maybe she didn’t take it as well as I assumed.” 

“I don’t think she left because of you Jack, how could anyone leave because of you?” Alex whispered, his thumb gently stroking Jack’s cheek. Jack sighed softly and leaned into him a little more. “We go to school, show our face and then we’ll come back here for your paint party.” 

“Okay.” Jack sighed, he really didn’t want to have to get up and go to school. He liked it when it was just him and Alex, everything felt good with him. 

“Can i borrow a clean top?” Alex asked already getting out of bed. 

“Sure top drawer.” Jack said pointing to the drawer beside his bed. He reached to his bedside cabinet and pulled open the pills he had got from the doctor and stared at them. 

“They’ll help you, even if it’s just for a little while Jack.” Alex said soothingly. 

“I’ve been on them two days now, still feel like crap.” Jack sighed.

“Takes a little time.” Alex whispered. “I was on antidepressants for a few weeks before i felt remotely normal.” 

“Wait… you were?” Jack asked his eyes widening. 

“When I was younger.” Alex nodded. “Couple of years ago now, but they did help. Sometimes you have so much going on and your mind can’t control the emotions and they become overwhelming and you kinda feel like you just want the world to swallow you up.”

“That’s how I feel. Ever since my Mom left.” Jack said looking down, his eyes were watering and his hands shaking as he held the bottle. 

Alex looked down and sucked on his bottom lip, he could tell that Jack wasn’t in the right mindset for school, and he couldn’t even think about leaving him. “Come on we’ll go for a drive yeah?”

“What about school?” Jack frowned, blinking his large brown eyes up at him. 

“Fuck it. Come on. Wear shorts.” Alex smiled. Jack just chuckled and nodded, feeling so grateful for Alex right now.


End file.
